Monday, March 12, 2007

Fountains of Wayne = Candy Corn

You know that Lewis Black routine about Candy Corn? I won't blatantly plagurize his bit, but it goes something, but not exactly, like this:

"I'll walk into a room and see a bowl of Candy Corn. I see the bowl and think, 'Candy Corn. Corn that tastes like candy!' (Chews, chews) SONOFABITCH!!!!!!!!!"

That's EXACTLY how I felt when I saw that Fountains or Wayne has put out a new album (sorry I'm old) CD.

"Ooh! A new Fountains of Wayne CD! Beautiful, sugary pop that will make me feel good in the deepest of my recesses... (Listens, listens) SONOFABITCH!!!!!!!!"

Damn it, Fountains of Wayne pisses me off. Pop hipsters seem to love them but, being a bit of a hipster myself (I shudder), I can't get their sound to penetrate my psyche. Mathematically, I should be all over them and fast. They play readily accessible pop music that just rolls off of them like flopsweat. I just can't get past the fact that they don't have a single original bone in their bodies. That in itself would be perfectly alright. I love lots of bands that sound like other bands. What I can't take is a band that sounds like a different band in each and every song they perform. There is, sometimes, too much of a good thing.

Perhaps maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here. The reason for this unleashing of bad karmas is due to the new, forthcoming Fountains of Wayne CD, "Traffic and Weather". Although I overall disliked greatly the last album, "Welcome Interstate Managers", there were at least "Stacey's Mom", "Hackensack" and "All Kinds Of Time" to listen to; One great Cars rip off and two beautiful ballads that belonged on three other, better albums. I can't afford the new disc even that compliment. It's all so quirky so as to be indisguishible. There are the sunny pop sounds and the country-ish tunes (that sound like uninspired Cracker outtakes) and it's all completely perfunctory. It's akin to watching a movie and knowing what the ending is going to be before the opening credits finish. Maybe some of you out there would like that, but not me.


Also, if anyone didn't yet hear... Justin Hawkins, the lead singer of The Darkness has left the band. The remaining members are staying together, but the name of the band (as of now, unnamed) will be different. Sorry, but what's the point without Justin? Great band, I know, but Justin was that pinch of spice that sent the band into the stratosphere. I mourn the loss of yet another great band.

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